06/24/2017 by Calvonia Radford
Hello, my name is Calvonia and I am a crier!
It’s been a secret for too long. I love to wear my façade. It fits me well. It conceals my weaknesses and covers my Achilles heel. Nobody needs to see that, believe me! Most people have never seen me naked.
Naked – the state of being completely transparent emotionally and spiritually.
I try to wear emotional clothing at all times. Only undressing in my closet. My prayer closet that is. Truth be told, my husband has rarely seen me naked.
There are some emotions that I have become a pro at masking. I understand my emotions are beautiful. That’s the way God made me.
You’ve heard the verse we quote to boost our sister’s self-esteem. Yet I fail to speak that truth to myself.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14
In Psalm 139, David teaches us that God knows our thoughts and every word that comes off our tongue. He’s just that into us.
With God, I can bare it all, literally and find assurance in knowing he will hold my conversation confidential. He will understand. He will comfort me.
I’m currently reading Chrystal Evans Hurst’s book, She’s Still There. In chapter two, Chrystal gives a very descriptive narrative of a time when her circumstance led her to spill all her pent up emotions and cried the ugly cry.
Life can be hard! As hard as following a recipe with a pinch of this and a dash of that.
There is, however, a blessing in the hard circumstances of life.
Hard times break away the curb side appeal of our whitewashed emotions and cause that spillage that Chrystal recalled in her book.
Chrystal cried. I cry. You cry. Because a moment in time will barricade us in and all we can see is what we can see. Sorry, I didn’t mean to confuse you. Let me explain.
Our scope of vision is limited. We only see what our carnal eyes will allow. But God sees all. He has an omniscient point of view. He knows that we are going to be alright. He understands that our challenges and difficulties are too hard to bear alone. So he meets us right where we are and wipes our tears away.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8
I was trying to remember the last time I cried the ugly cry. I have such a portfolio of tears that it’s hard to weed through.
I’ve cried the ugly cry during financial hardships and shed salty tears over relational difficulties.
Buckets of tears have fallen from my eyes over the loss of loved ones. And, I have mingled my tears with shower water many times during 35 years of marriage.
However, I think my ugliest cries have been over my children. I cried when they were babies and I couldn’t sleep at night. I cried when I prayed for their soul’s salvation. I cried when every discipline strategy I tried failed.
When my children transitioned from childhood to adulthood I cried over their life choices. I cried in prayer over their future mates, their career choices, their unborn children, their trials……….
Through my tears, God has taught and is still teaching me to cry out to him. He has shown me his heart. God cares. He hears me before I call.
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24
If you are living behind a façade of strength and seek a safe place to bare the ugly cry. Run to God. He cares and he is already listening to your cry.
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